What Does it Look Like in Action to Be Thankful for Your Spouse?

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I’m a “word girl” through and through. I’d rather write a letter than talk face-to-face. I often picture words instead of images. And I have at least three books I’m reading at the same time. My husband, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Fortunately, we work really well together, and a big part of that is expressing thankfulness often.

Gratitude goes a long way in marriage, but it’s more than just saying “thank you.” It’s daily, intentional actions that show your spouse just how thankful you are. So, whether you’re a word person or an action taker, here are a few helpful things to consider.

Thankful through Physical Expression

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful.” (Proverbs 15:13)

Smiling often, listening well, and loving our spouses through physical touch are simple yet powerful ways to show thankfulness. Think about how often you go about your daily tasks with a frown or look of dissatisfaction. It’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and seem distant or even angry with our spouse. That’s why physical expression matters in conveying gratitude.

Create new habits by softening your countenance, looking your spouse in the eye, and being attentive to their needs. This will speak volumes to them. It will also provide a safe space for them to open up, communicate freely, and listen to your heart as well.

As Paul encouraged the Ephesians, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:21-22,25)

Submission to one another comes easily when Godly reverence and love are at the center. Thankfulness adds another layer of respect, letting our spouse know we see and hear them. The world’s opinion of biblical submission loses its negative connotation when it’s practiced from a place of deep love for God and each other.

As you submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, recognize how small physical expressions can affirm your love and gratefulness. Here are a few ideas:

-Greet them at the door and give a heartfelt hug when they come home.

-Hold hands while taking a walk or sitting together.

-Surprise them with a foot massage after a tiring day.

-Smile and nod, even when they are telling the same story over again.

-Share a slow dance in the living room.

You don’t always need words to express how thankful you are. Choose 1-2 ways you’ll take action this week to make your spouse feel loved and valued.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Riska

Thankful through Helpful Acts of Kindness

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18 ESV)

Are there certain areas of your home that are “his” and “hers”? What could happen if you blessed your spouse by freshening up their space? Take out the trash, wipe down surfaces, wash the windows, and add a plant or vase of flowers. These helpful acts of kindness speak volumes, letting your spouse know you appreciate their presence in your home.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes observed, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT) In marriage, there’s nothing like helping our spouses succeed at whatever they set out to do. In work, life, and personal growth, it’s just as rewarding for us to see them flourish as it is for them to experience it.

Here are even more ways to show gratitude through helpful acts:

-Meal prep their lunches for the week, and tuck love notes inside.

-Fill up the car on cold mornings, and warm it up before work.

-Help with chores they typically handle alone, and bless them with a personal day off.

-Hire someone to take care of larger jobs and repairs.

For some people, acts of kindness are a way of showing and/or receiving love. But everyone is blessed by actions that say, “I love you and I’m thankful for you.”

What would be truly helpful for your spouse this week? Surprise them with a random act of kindness to show just how thankful you are.

Thankful through Prayers and Edification

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.” (Ephesians 1:16)

Do you pray for your spouse regularly? If so, are they aware of it? Sometimes, it’s nice to hear that someone is interceding for you.

To show thankfulness through prayer and edification, offer to pray for your spouse first thing in the morning or before bed. Pray aloud, asking God to bless the work of their hands, strengthen their faith, and draw them close.

I’ve found that mutual respect is built when couples make prayer a priority. It diminishes the tendency to criticize and promotes a healthier perspective on common issues. Don’t underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit when you seek Him together. Pray for greater unity while simultaneously thanking the Lord for each other.

One way of edifying your marriage is to start a “Thankful for My Marriage” list. Post it in a place where you and your spouse can add short statements of gratitude. These might include:

-Thankful for the wonderful meal

-Grateful for the shoulder rub

-Thankful for clean laundry

-Grateful for your listening ear

Once you get started, you’ll easily fill an entire page! And what a difference this can make in your attitude. Grumbling and complaining will fade as you see the list grow. Thankfulness will become your go-to, instead of a last resort.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” What a perfect verse to write at the top of your list as a reminder to keep building and encouraging. So, where will you post your gratitude list today?

Lord, I am so thankful for my spouse, but my actions don’t always show it. Please soften my countenance, help me smile easily, and open my ears to what they have to say. Make me more aware of ways I can lighten their load and ease their burdens. Show me tasks that I can take care of, so they don’t have to. As we step into a rhythm of give-and-take, let it deepen our respect and gratitude for one another. I pray for my spouse’s heart and mind, that they will grow and mature in You, Lord. Remind me to build them up and not tear them down. Fill me with such gratitude that I can’t help but express it. Thank You for allowing me to do life with such a sweet and wonderful spouse. I am committed to turning my words into actions and deepening our connection with Your help. In the name of Your Son, Jesus, amen.

More Helpful Resources for Your Marriage:

How to Cultivate a Spirit of Thanksgiving in Your Marriage

8 Meaningful Ways to Show Your Spouse You Are Thankful for Them

5 Lessons I've Learned After 20 Years of Marriage

Walk Together in Marriage

How Differences Shape and Strengthen Your Marriage

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/blackCAT

Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.