It can be a minefield when you’re looking for love these days. We have to deal with ghosting, awkward conversations about vaccination status and don’t forget about narcissists. Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, better known as “Doctor Ramani” is a leading expert in narcissism and she warns, “Narcissistic people are very attractive when it comes to dating.” She explains that’s because they’re charming, charismatic and tend to be more successful.
While those may sound like appealing qualities in a partner, she says relationships with narcissists almost always come with gaslighting and other forms of abuse. Doctor Ramani says it’s important to spot the red flags of narcissism early on in the relationship and these are the tell-tale warning signs to watch out for:
- They want to open up too much too soon - Their relationships almost always start with “love bombing,” like whisking you away on a romantic getaway soon into the relationship or showering you with excessive gifts. Narcissists may also open up about intense, personal things, but she warns it’s not intimacy, it’s manipulation and that if you share your deepest darkest fear with them on the third date, it’ll come back to bite you in six months.
- They make your connection seem too good to be true - If they start talking about your relationship in “really grandiose, magical ways,” like saying, “I’ve never felt such an intense connection with anyone before,” Doctor Ramani says you need to look for the exit. They may also say “I can’t stop thinking about you” and text non-stop.
- They bad-mouth their exes - It’s also a red flag if your date belittles and criticizes their past partners in a vindictive way. If it happens, Doctor Ramani says you should be asking yourself, “How soon are they going to be speaking that way about me?”
- They’re snobby about appearances - Narcissists tend to be sticklers about the way they look and may comment about others’ appearances. So if they say comments like, “Did you see what that person’s wearing?” Beware!
Source: USA Today
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